Where Reasons End: A Meditation

CW: This might be a hard one for some of you as there are mentions of suicide. Feel free to stop here if you need to.

Days are not the only place where we live, Nikolai said.

Time is not the only place where we live, I said.

Days are. I don’t have to have days to live now.

And yet I have to live in days, I said.

I’m sorry, he said.

Days: the easiest possession, requiring only automatic participation. The days he had refused would come, one at a time. Neither my allies nor my enemies, they would wait, every daybreak, with their boundless patience and indifference, seeing if they could turn me into a friend or an enemy to myself.

Never apologize, I said, for what you have let go.

Where Reasons End is a love letter from a mother to her dead son. She lived. He died. Same illness, different outcomes. Continue reading Where Reasons End: A Meditation